Happiness is boarding a plane with the Love of Your Life to Hawaii.
Blessed is going with good friends.
Bittersweet is knowing when you get back your 'baby' will turn one.
Hopeful is being assured that everyone will be fine, even the “baby” who often struggles to sleep.
Patient is Gram as newly discovered baby screams echo on her wooden floors.
Relief is turning farm mode off and letting him relax mentally and physically.
Anxiety is not seeing our baby for an entire week. (See #4)
Fear is that something bad will happen.
Peace is knowing that nothing will. (See #4)
Love is all we need.
We planned this trip in January not thinking about the actual handing over the wee one for a week- not being able to 'make sure' he is rocked at appropriate times, not being able to control what goes in his mouth, not knowing if I can pack everything he 'needs' in one bag. I guess this is part of being a parent. Worry. But the best part about being a Christian is knowing that God will take care of it all and He is in control. I sometimes tend to think I'm in control. Being a parent helps you realize the total opposite.
When I was pregnant we worried / I worried -- a lot. First we worried at that first 8 week sonogram that there wouldnt be a heartbeat. Then we worried because at our 18 week sonogram we were told our baby may have Down Syndrome. I prayed. I read books to prepare myself (BLOOM by Kelly Hampton being the best book ever for parents with children that have Down syndrome) I worried some more and I prayed fervently for a healthy child. Finally in the days before our healthy baby was born I was able to give it to God. It took me a long time to trust that God would take care of us and that we would be able to handle anything. Moreso it took me half my pregnancy to get over myself and realize that He has always taken care of me and been there for me and I have never had control. I was viewing Down Syndrome as a bad thing, a negative. And I know it sounds cliche to say that we would have been perfectly fine in that situation but... I know we would have been totally fine. And now I am so ashamed that I worried about it.
First of all because I know and claim that all things work together for those who love God. And because I love our little boy so very much that I know it wouldn't matter if he had Down syndrome with an extra chromosome if he had Up Syndrome had or even if he had a tail---he is wonderfully made and there's nothing that could shake my love for him. I can honestly say that having that 'worry' taught me a lot about myself and my God. He is the same yesterday today and will be the same tomorrow-im the one that needs to steady my faith in Him. Maybe the scary part was the unknown- we didnt 'know' if he had it, we didnt 'know' how we would deal with it, we didnt 'know' what health conditions came with DS but most of all a year ago we didnt know how much we would love him no matter what and we didnt realize that no matter the child God chose for us-he was perfect for Us. And with the next child we welcome anything..we know now that no matter what we have so much love to give!
My point?..I don't know that I have one :) I was just starting to let my mind wander after dropping off the baby and had to catch myself. Somedays i really stink at life and being a Christian BUT Somedays I grow..and those are the days that I like to be sure to remember.
